The Ramblings of a "Mad Man"

Unfortunately I hear a lot about people who have smoked marijuana and had a panic attack and have suffered from anxiety disorder ever since. Also unfortunate, I can relate. I started smoking in college and I can’t say that I just smoked a little. I spent most of my time stoned or looking to get stoned. Not exactly the way you want to spend thousands of dollars on an education, but it was a learning experience. Excuse the pun.

At first I noticed marijuana made me happy, calmer, and thoughtful. I would ponder questions that I’d never ordinarily hesitate to think about. Most of the time though it was about playing music and eating a lot of food. Anyway, as the years wore on I noticed that the marijuana was starting to have a couple new effects on me. I noticed that I began to care less about just about everything and I also noticed that instead of being happy, I spent more time dealing with paranoia.

One day I was smoking with some friends and had a panic attack. I had completely forgotten about anxiety since it had been decades since my childhood experience, so naturally I thought I was losing my mind. From that day on I could not shake the idea that I must be losing my mind. The thoughts escalated from there to “I must be crazy”, “What if I lose control and hurt myself or someone I love”, “What if I am genetically a horrible person” etc. etc… These thoughts caused me incredible amounts of anxiety and panic to the point where I could not leave my house. I could barely leave the couch.

The whole point of this post is that I don’t think it was the marijuana… entirely… I think I was probably predestined to have anxiety issues anyway, but the marijuana acted as the catalyst. I don’t advocate marijuana or any other drug for that matter since I feel now that any mind altering substance can leave you with permanent psychological scars. However, I think my genetics played a larger role than that of the marijuana. Sure the marijuana made me think on a different level and may have even accelerated the process, but I would have had a panic attack at some point regardless. I had had them before, so to think I was suddenly anxiety free just wasn’t reasonable.

Most hypnotics and hallucinogens carry a certain risk of creating neural pathways in your brain that otherwise would not have been there. Some gain great insight and others anxiety, depression, and even psychosis. It is relatively rare, but not a chance that I would have taken had I known the ramifications.
Alcohol, the drug of choice for people with anxiety, is just as dangerous. In fact due to its prevalence and efficacy, it is probably more dangerous than other drugs. Alcohol actually does help people with anxiety; it just carries the side effect of intoxication, liver damage, and psychological addiction. It is very interesting that many alcoholics have an anxiety disorder. Chance… I don’t think so. Many get hooked when they find that it actually works and it takes more and more to achieve the same level of comfort. I have taken this route too. Luckily my body would not allow me to continue. I rarely drink these days, but on occasion I will have drink with friends.

Moderation is key.